How Do I Find the Right Counsellor for Me?
What to consider when choosing a counsellor
Starting counselling can feel like a big step. Sometimes, the hardest part isn't deciding that you want support—it's figuring out who to reach out to.
With so many counsellors, therapeutic approaches, specialties, and options available, it can be difficult to know where to begin. You might find yourself wondering:
Do I need someone who specializes in trauma?
What if I don't know what's wrong?
Should I choose someone who is similar to me?
What type of therapy is best?
How will I know if we're a good fit?
The truth is, there isn't one "perfect" counsellor for everyone. Finding the right counsellor is a personal decision. It is often about finding someone who has the experience, approach, and relational style that feels right for you.
Here are some things to consider as you begin your search.
1. Start with what you're hoping to work on
You don't need to have everything figured out before reaching out to a counsellor.
You might know exactly what you're looking for—support with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationships, parenting, grief, or burnout. Or you might only know that something doesn't feel right and you want help understanding why.
Either is completely okay.
Think about what you want support with and what you’re hoping could look different in your life. Perhaps you're hoping to:
Feel less anxious or overwhelmed
Improve your relationships
Process difficult experiences from your past
Understand patterns that keep repeating
Develop healthier boundaries
Work through grief or loss
Feel more confident and connected to yourself
Improve communication with your partner
Better manage stress or burnout
Having a general idea of your goals can help you look for a counsellor whose experience aligns with your needs.
2. Look at their areas of experience
Counsellors often have particular areas of interest or expertise. If you're looking for support with something specific, it can be helpful to find someone who has experience working with that concern.
For example, if you're seeking support around childhood trauma, you might want to look for someone with training or experience in trauma-informed approaches.
If you're experiencing relationship difficulties, you may want someone who works with couples or has specialized training in relationship or couples therapy.
That said, you don't necessarily need to know which therapeutic approach you need before contacting a counsellor.
A good counsellor can help you understand what approaches might be appropriate based on your individual circumstances.
3. Consider the therapeutic approach—but don't get overwhelmed by the terminology
You may come across terms such as CBT, EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment-based therapy, somatic therapy, narrative therapy, or psychodynamic therapy.
It can feel like you need to know what all of these mean before choosing someone.
You don't.
Different therapeutic approaches can be helpful for different people and concerns, and many counsellors integrate multiple approaches into their work.
Rather than focusing solely on finding the "best" type of therapy, consider asking:
"How does this counsellor work with people experiencing what I'm going through?"
Their answer may tell you much more about whether their approach feels like a good fit.
4. Pay attention to how you feel when you interact with them
This may be one of the most important considerations. Even reading their bio online and looking at their photo can bring up different internal reactions. It’s ok to pay attention to those. Then, book a consultation phone call and see how you feel as you chat with them, if that feels good, schedule that first meeting.
Through each of these steps and your first few sessions, consider:
Do I feel heard and understood?
Do I feel respected?
Do I feel like I can be honest with this person?
Do they seem genuinely interested in understanding me?
Do I feel judged?
Do I feel rushed?
Does their communication style feel comfortable to me?
Do I feel a sense of confidence that they can support me towards my goals?
You want to feel that your counsellor is someone you can gradually develop trust with. Counselling involves vulnerability. You're going to be talking about thoughts, emotions, experiences, and parts of yourself that you may not feel comfortable sharing with everyone.
You don't necessarily need to feel completely comfortable immediately. Building trust takes time. But you should feel that your counsellor is creating a space where trust can develop.
5. Remember that you are allowed to ask questions
You don't have to commit to a counsellor without knowing anything about how they work.
Before booking, you might ask:
"What experience do you have working with my concerns?"
"What therapeutic approaches do you use?"
"What can I expect from our first few sessions?"
"Do you offer online or in-person counselling?"
"Do you work with individuals/couples/children?"
"How do you typically approach treatment goals?"
A counsellor should be comfortable answering questions about their approach and helping you determine whether their services are appropriate for your needs.
6. Consider practical factors, too
Even if you find a counsellor who seems like an excellent fit, practical considerations matter.
Think about:
Location: Would you prefer to attend sessions in person, online, or a combination of both?
Availability: Can their schedule accommodate yours?
Cost: Does their fee fit within your budget or extended health coverage?
Session frequency: What level of support are you looking for?
Accessibility: Are there considerations around language, mobility, childcare, transportation, or technology that you need to take into account?
Finding a counsellor who works well with your life makes it easier to maintain consistency—and consistency can be an important part of the counselling process.
7. Give yourself permission to give feedback or change counsellors
Sometimes, you may begin counselling and realize that the fit isn't quite right.
That's okay.
It doesn't necessarily mean that counselling isn't working or that you (or they) have done anything wrong.
The therapeutic relationship is important, and different counsellors have different personalities, approaches, and areas of expertise.
A good counsellor can handle your feedback and should be able to have candid conversations about what you feel is working and/or what you feel you would like to see more of in the therapeutic relationship. Talking about feelings, wants and needs in the counselling relationship is great practice for relationships outside the counselling space too!
However, you may discover that you would benefit from someone with a different approach or experience. You may simply feel more comfortable with another counsellor.
Finding the right person can take some trial and error.
8. You don't have to know exactly what you need before reaching out
One of the biggest misconceptions about counselling is that you need to arrive with a clearly defined problem and a plan for how to fix it.
You don't.
Sometimes you simply know:
"I'm struggling, and I don't want to keep doing this on my own."
That's enough.
A counsellor's role isn't to tell you what is wrong with you or dictate what you should do. Rather, counselling can provide a supportive relationship where you can explore what you're experiencing, develop a deeper understanding of yourself, and work toward meaningful change with someone who can help you make meaning out of things and find clarity.
So, how do you know when you've found the right counsellor?
There may not be one magical moment when you know.
Instead, over time, you may notice that you feel heard, respected, safe, and understood. You may feel that you can bring your authentic self into the room—even when you're struggling.
You may begin to understand yourself in new ways.
And you may feel that you're working collaboratively with someone who is genuinely invested in helping you move toward the life you want.
The right counsellor isn't necessarily the person with the most impressive list of credentials or the person who uses the trendiest therapeutic approach.
They are someone whose experience and approach fit your needs, and with whom you can build a therapeutic relationship that supports your growth.
Looking for a counsellor?
At Harbour Counselling, we understand that reaching out for counselling can feel like a big step. Our team offers a range of therapeutic approaches and areas of experience, with both in-person and online counselling options available.
If you're not sure which counsellor or approach might be the best fit, we are here to help. We'd be happy to talk with you about what you're looking for and help you explore your options and find the right fit.
You don't have to have it all figured out before you begin. That’s what we are here for.
Your first step is simply reaching out